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backward and turned away. I loaded them up, promised them safety, and then everything went
wrong. The investigators said it was mechanical, but I know I could have done something. I panicked.
I missed something. I fucked up. And now they re all dead.
Hale. Clemmons. Keller. Puckett. Rivera. Hanson. Lopez.
He hadn t just brought that chopper down. He d left them strewn across that field like rag dolls.
He d jumped out and tried to pull his men to safety, but it had been an ambush. Shots had rained down
on them like shrapnel, and someone had pulled him out of the fire. Pulled him to safety and held him
down, before he could finish the job.
He grabbed his dog tags and tugged them hard enough that he felt the bite of the chain on the back of
his neck.
Lilly stepped forward, erasing the distance between them, and cupped his face in her hands. Look
at me, she whispered, her thumbs smoothing the lines on his face that lack of sleep had put there.
Look at me.
He opened his eyes and looked into the shining pools of green gazing back him. The warmth of her
hands seeped into his pores, soothing the pain. God, he was tired. Tired of living with this
overwhelming grief. Tired of fighting the want and the need to be with this woman standing before
him. He was just& tired.
It s not your fault, she said. Say it. Say it, even if you don t believe it yet.
He looked at her for a long moment, then said unconvincingly, It s not my fault.
Total bullshit. He didn t believe that for a minute.
But even as he doubted, he felt something deep inside start to stitch together. Under Lilly s soft
touch& he finally began to heal.
Chapter Eleven
Well, another pair of shoes bite the dust, Lilly muttered wryly as they approached the house that
held so many memories for Nate it was busting at the seams. She pulled off one of her high heels and
shook the mud off. Remind me to bring walking shoes the next time I take a road trip with you.
He forced a laugh, and didn t dwell on how good it felt to hear her talk about a next time. That was
a can of worms he did not need to open. He wasn t going to be around for a next time. And he didn t
have room for any new raw emotions right now. In that moment, standing at the steps to his childhood
home, he felt too full of them already. Emotions bubbled inside him fighting for space.
He stared up at the white two-story colonial where he and Jace had grown up.
So, where are we? Lilly asked.
I used to live here, he said. When I was kid. Haven t been back in a long time.
She nodded. Ten years. I remember.
He found himself surprised by how good the place looked. He knew no one was living there. But
other than a few downed tree limbs from the storm, the place looked pristine. The roses his mother
had once so lovingly tended were in full bloom, and the shutters and lattices were freshly painted.
The yard was mowed. The windows clean. He d expected a hollow, empty shell, but this place&
looked lived in. When Jace had said he didn t want to sell the place, he hadn t expected him to go to
these extremes to keep it preserved. He d obviously hired a groundskeeper. It was a smart move, and
guilt crashed over him that Jace hadn t felt comfortable enough to tell him about it. That Nate hadn t
been man enough to step up and help.
It s beautiful, Lilly murmured, drawing his attention to the woman beside him. Her hair was
pulled up in a loose ponytail, and she was wearing a simple navy dress that showed off her sun-
kissed skin. A pair of designer heels covered in mud dangled from her fingers, but she didn t seem to
care. In fact, the entire walk here had been muddy and miserable, but she hadn t complained once.
Instead, she d held his hand. And cracked jokes to take the edge off a situation she must realize was
fraught with chaotic feelings for him.
Looking at her, he could almost forget where he was and what he was about to face. Almost. But he
had to stop running sometime, and it may as well be today. Jace might have pushed him into doing this
errand, but now that Nate was here, no way he could turn away.
I have to go inside and get something. Wait out here. Okay?
Knowing she d likely argue, he didn t wait for her to answer. Instead, he made his way up the
porch steps and pulled the key he d never used before from his pocket. He only hesitated long enough
to take a deep breath, then stepped inside the house that smelled faintly of Pine-Sol and cedar.
One by one, the memories pulled him under. His mother playing the piano on Saturday afternoons in
the family room. His father s boots sitting next to the staircase. He stopped in front of the staircase
and an ache bloomed in his chest. They were still there the boots. He sank down onto the bottom
step and ran a trembling hand over his face, fighting for control. He rested his elbows on his knees
and hung his head between them, taking deep breaths.
I m sorry, he whispered to the people who were no longer alive to hear it. I should have
stayed.
He should have stayed and cared for his mother. For Jace. That one crap decision had created a
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